When looking at my vision board for this year, it's clear what my theme for 2024 is: the pursuit of radical self-care, healing, and restoration. Healing and recovery have been the focus of my existence since I got sober in 2014. The kind of healing journey I'm on now requires more strength and dedication, and I'm ready for it...
A few months after I created Healing Whole for sharing written reflections, inspiration, etc., my life was in the process of taking a monumental turn health wise, unbeknownst to me. Fast forward to today, after two years of tests, scans, evaluations from multiple specialists, and surgery, I have been diagnosed with unspecified interstitial lung disease (ILD). “Unspecified” meaning the specialists don't know what I have or how I got it. I recently completed a pre-lung transplant evaluation so I can be ready if/when my condition worsens. A lung transplant is the most intensive form of treatment for ILD, so I am doing what I can to prevent my symptoms and condition from becoming more severe.
Not only has it been hard living with this diagnosis and accepting my new normal, but it’s been hard knowing my disease has impacted my husband, daughter, family, friends, and former co-workers. Resigning from a dream job is never easy, but I now can deeply and fully invest in my physical wellness and wholeness. It’s been hard identifying what I really need. It’s been hard discovering my daily limitations. It’s been hard not to think about worst case scenarios. It’s. Been. HARD! And, yet, through the hard, there has also been an abundant amount of gratitude, support, love, joy, peace, and beauty. I truly feel blessed, and it is because I am.
The past two years have been challenging to say the least. Although my circumstance is scary at times, remaining curious and seeking clarity helps guide me and keep me grounded. I’ll be OK. In fact, I'll be more than OK. I'll be well. And while I may not return to where I once was physically, I can choose to practice acceptance and embrace the challenges. Cause let’s face it – self-pity is painful and lonely. And that is the opposite of how I want to feel or be today. So, here’s to being more curious all the while seeking clarity.
2024 Vision Board